


you love me for everything you hate me for

by pepi_peachnbeans



Series: you hate me now (you love me now) [1]
Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Anger, Break Up, College, M/M, Post-Break Up, Rough Sex, Smut, a few violent imagery, clubs, first offical break up, jaebum really fucks jinyoung up, new realtionships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 18:38:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16707892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepi_peachnbeans/pseuds/pepi_peachnbeans
Summary: snarling, jinyoung glares at him, "you're awful and i hate you." yet, there was no true malicious in his words."then why are you still holding my hand?"[prequel to (i'd swear on my life) that this is the end of the world]





	you love me for everything you hate me for

**Author's Note:**

> i keep moving backward in this and for that i'm sorry y'all haha i had been wanting to do a fic to this song for awhile, and i thought it would be perfect for this series, to give some more insight to just how fucked up their past with each other really is 
> 
> i imagine this taking place during college (where as the others are after college) 
> 
> title from the song in this moment - whore

Jinyoung blamed Jaebum. It was probably silly, to solely blame everything on him, because it couldn't all be his fault, but he did, refusing to accept any responsibility for it. They had always been rocky at best, so he shouldn't have been surprised at their falling out. 

It still hurt. 

Even when he had alcohol to drown the hatred, Jackson was still sitting across from him, adding to the sandpaper that seemed to drag across his heart, "You still fucking him?" 

He didn't answer for a long time, only knocking back a shot of whiskey, as the music blared loud, and the green, blue and red lights flickered onto the dance floor behind the bar. Jackson really did always know the best times to bring up things, huh? Finally he sat the glass down and pushed it towards the uninterested bar tender. He saw and served emotional people all the time, it was his job to do so. 

"No," he finally answers, telling the truth. They weren't fucking each other anymore, or seeing each other. They'd had broken up, for real this time. They had their moments of not talking, that's stretched back to the very first time that they met, but nothing had ever been official for a long time there. Which always caused it's own issues, being in their constant dance of avoidance of feelings. In the end, he supposed it didn't matter because it ended them up here anyways. 

Jackson nodded at that, "And how do you feel about that?" 

Was this really Jackson's point of bringing him here? A therapy session? Did they really need to go to a club for that? They very well could have had this same conversation on Jackson's couch. He gave a laugh that was lacking the humor, "Does it really matter?" 

But Jackson just gave him a serious look, "Of course it does Jinyoungie, you know that." 

He swallowed, but sat up straighter, because Jackson wasn't going to be getting the response he was hoping for. "No, I don't," he said a bit too fast, a bit too coldly, and a bit too defensively, and that gave it all away, what he was truly feeling. 

Jackson knew he was lying, but for once it seemed as if he learned to shut his mouth and not say anything more. That didn't stop him for staring at Jinyoung, as if prompting him to keep the conversation going. 

As if Jinyoung wanted to. 

Getting up from the bar stool, he brushed off imaginary dirt from his pants. "I'm going to go dance," he announced. "I'll find you later." 

With a sigh, Jackson watched him walk off. 

He has always seen himself as an excellent liar, but there was some things that he wished to keep shoved down so far away, that he wanted to ignore so that he didn't even need to lie about it. Jaebum was one of those things, that he didn't want think about. Perhaps he really was just a coward after all. 

Still not as bad as Jaebum though. 

He thinks- was he really this bad before? Or was this yet another thing that he could pawn off the blame to Jaebum? Had he always been this cold of a dick, or was it until he met Jaebum? Or until he let Jaebum break his heart a few times in the process?

It wasn't though, as much as he didn't want to admit that either. That this was a him thing, always has been. But there was no denying that Jaebum didn't help it, or make him want to change for the better. If anything, Jaebum taught him how to sharpen his words, make his glare colder, his hits harder. 

Turning up his chin, he gets to a place in the crowd that he is content with a begins dancing along with the beat. It was easy to dance to, as all club tunes always ended up being. Sexy, sultry, with a steady beat that people's hips could time to perfectly. 

This was what Jinyoung knew all too well. 

People come a go, some dance with him, some touch him, others just make lewd comments. And he lets it, he lets all of it happen. Up until a chill goes down his spine, and there was this ever long sense of dread that washed over him, and he knew there was someone behind him, but he didn't turn around. Hands gripped his hips, and he was almost afraid to look down to see them decorated in familiar silver rings. 

"How did I know I would find you here?" 

And there was that damned anger that was washing through his veins anger, a deep and angry flashing red that made him want to turn around, to scream yell, and straight up punch him. He still remembers the way Jaebum said that he didn't love him, and that he hates him. Oh how he wants to slam that pretty little face of his against a wall. 

Jaebum, always acting like he was somehow fucking superior in a sense, but he wasn't, he never will be. "Because I'm a whore, isn't that right?" It was vulgar, and downright crude to say, but he didn't care, he didn't care that he was taunting Jaebum, throwing words back in his face, and twisting them. 

He pauses, for once trying to be careful with his words, "You are," he finally agrees. "I hate that about you." 

Jaebum had been ever so judgemental with Jinyoung, completely looking over all of his own damn vices, as if he was the perfect human being. All he should need is a mirror, because in the process of meeting Jinyoung, he probably had to do more self reflection and discovery than he ever had to do in the past. 

Those words make Jinyoung's blood boil, yet barely surprised anymore that Jaebum would say such a thing like that to him. He turns around then, Jaebum's hands still on his waist, and he grips Jaebum's cheek, uncaring if he is pressing hard, and leans up to his ear, lips touching the shell. "Let me tell you something: you love me for everything you hate me for." 

He goes to walk away then. done with talking to anybody, everyone could fuck off. Jackson, Jaebum, and the rest of society. But there was a hand grabbing him with force and pulling him back. He was pulled into Jaebum then, crushed up against him and his mouth drops open in utter shock. What was his fucking deal? Was he really asking to finally get hit? 

His voice was dark as he looks down at Jinyoung, "You don't know anything about me." 

He wants to scream then, because he knows so fucking much about Im Jaebum, far more than he ever wanted to, or what he really needs to for that matter. Insufferable, so fucking insufferable. "That's bullshit and we both know it." 

"You wanna know what's bullshit?" he snapped back, pulling Jinyoung closer. "You acting like your shit doesn't stink. Get off your fucking high horse Jinyoung." 

But this was the person that Jaebum created, he did this, he made Jinyoung like this. Snarling, Jinyoung glares at him, "You're awful and I hate you." Yet, there was no true malicious in his words. 

"Then why are you still holding my hand?" There was a smirk on hsi face, and triumph in his tone, that he finally got one over on Jinyoung. 

He makes a face of disgust then and goes to pull his hand away, and he did, but Jaebum was still holding him uncomfortably close. "Let go of me Jaebum." 

"Or what?" he hisses, challenge on his face as he looks down at Jinyoung. 

Against his better judgement, his eyes flicker down to look at Jaebum's lips, and he curses himself for ever doing so, because Jaebum certainly noticed it, and wouldn't let it go. He doesn't say anything however, he never had the chance to, because instead his lips were pressed against Jaebum, body still craving his touch (a craving Jinyoung had wished would go away with time, when in fact, it had only strengthened.) 

He was pulled tighter against Jaebum, and his hands fly up to grab the collar of Jaebum's leather jacket, and he feels a hand slide to his ass and it takes all of his power to not let out a noise. 

Jaebum pulled away then, a cocky smirk on his face. "You know where to find me," he says simply before turning away and leaving Jinyoung standing there like a fool. 

Hands clenching at his side, Jinyoung is incredibly tense. How dare, how _dare_ Jaebum call him a whore and then tell him to come over to fuck? Just who did he think he was? He wanted to go over still, at the very least to give Jaebum a piece of his mind, about how fed up with his shit he is. 

He's moving then, making his way back from where he originally came, the bar. Jackson was still sitting there, as if he had been waiting for Jinyoung this entire time, and openly Jinyoung rolls his eyes at the sight. "One shot of vodka," Jinyoung raises his hand to the bartender as he takes a seat next to Jackson. 

"Vodka?" he asks, cocking his head to the side, giving Jinyoung a questioning look. 

Accepting the tiny glass from the bartender, he avoids Jackson's stare, "I'm going to need it." As soon as he finishes, he sets it back down and hands a few dollars to the bartender, before hopping up. 

"Hey!" Jackson follows after him as he leaves. "Where do you think you're going now?" 

"Leaving," he answers simply as he pushes out of the doors, giving a small smile at the bodyguards. 

"Is this about Jaebum?" Jackson then asks as he falls into place next to where Jinyoung was heading to his car that was parked tucked in the corner. 

Clenching his jaw, Jinyoung unlocks his car as he stands at the passenger door. Had Jackson always been this nosy? "Does it really matter?" 

"It does," he says firmer this time than he did earlier. "It does matter if it is about Jaebum or not. I know you're still hurt or whatever because you guys broke up-" 

Not wanting to hear anymore, his blood pressure had been increased significantly since when he had first arrived at this club to meet Jackson. "It is! Happy? It's about Jaebum and how I'm so fucking sick of how he is acting because he is such a shitty lover." 

"Jinyoung-" but the door was already closed, and he was already pulling out of his parking spot. 

Gripping the wheel, Jinyoung takes the all too familiar roads that he has drove countless times before. And Jaebum better fucking be there, he better not be just messing around with him, or else Jinyoung wasn't sure that the next time that he saw him that he wouldn't get a fist to the face. 

He didn't even know what he wanted to do once he got there, but there was the teasing voice n the back of his head that liked to mess with him, telling him that he knew exactly what he wanted to happen, he wanted Jaebum to fuck him good, like he always does. Because if Jaebum can't stay emotionally and romantically attached, then sexually was the next best thing. 

Parking in the apartment lot, Jinyoung turned off his car and sat there staring out of his window at the cement. Was he really about to go do this? Before he could end up flaking out, Jinyoung opened the door and slammed it shut just a bit too harshly as he made his way up to Jaebum's apartment, double checking to make sure that his car was here. 

Knocking on the door, it opened right away, almost as if Jaebum had been expecting someone- in which he was, because he was the one who told Jinyoung to come. "So you're here," he says pointing out the obvious. 

And it annoys him, the level of nonchalance Jaebum was trying to maintain. Without his better judgement, Jinyoung is pushing past Jaebum, closing the door shut behind him and then is slapping Jaebum right in the face. 

It felt good, but not as good as it felt to kiss him seconds after, Jaebum immediately grabbing him and pushing him up against the wall. Being pressed in the wall, hands were tugging at his hair, ripping off his jacket, and digging at the exposed skin of his stomach. Arching his back, he leans further into Jaebum's touch, where he can feel his hard length pressed against him. 

Hands falling flat onto Jaebum's chest, Jinyoung shoves him back while still maintaining the ability to kiss him, directing him through the apartment and into the bedroom. He let's out a smile, when the back of Jaebum's knees hit the edge of his bed and he goes tumbling down on it. 

Jinyoung stays standing over him, watching as Jaebum is blinking up at him. His chest was heaving up and down and it was finally in that moment that he stopped to pause: what the fuck was he doing here? But he knew the answer, because some stupid fucking part of him had thought that it would be a good idea to fall in love with Jaebum. 

He could leave, there was still enough time. For him to cuss Jaebum out and to storm away, he could really break things off. Yet, Jinyoung knew that he wouldn't, because he was already long gone now. He had told Jackson that they weren't fucking anymore earlier, and that had been the truth, earlier. But he never said that he didn't want to anymore. 

It was in that fleeting moment that Jinyoung tugs at his shirt and Jaebum gives him one of the most sexiest grins that he has ever seen, and then he's climbing on top of him, straddling him as he lips find Jaebum's and as his hand tug at Jaebum's shirt. 

Grinding down, he moves down to Jaebum's collar, biting at the spot that he knew drives him wild. But gripping his hair, Jaebum was tugging his head up again by his hair to kiss him again, and Jinyoung's hands go to his pants. 

In the next second, before Jinyoung even had time to blink, he was on his back, and Jaebum was on top of him, pants off as he grinded down on him. With a sickening grin, Jaebum's hand tears at Jinyoung's pants. He moaned then, as Jaebum's hand started palming at him, and he whined as he bucked his hips up into his touch. 

Sometimes he wishes Jaebum didn't have this kind of effect on him. 

Jaebum pulled away, to look at him, eyes going all over Jinyoung's body, and Jinyoung finds himself lost in his eyes. God, the two of them were so fucked up, their relationship. How did they get here? How did either of them allow it to get this bad? 

While distracted, Jinyoung pushes up and flips Jaebum down again, pressing him into the bed. That was part of Jaebum's issues, he always thought that he could just gain control, like he could run Jinyoung over. But that wasn't true, Jinyoung wouldn't let it be like that. 

But Jaebum had allowed for it to happen, and only brought his hand down to tug at Jinyoung's dick, the only thing using to stop the dry drag being their own sweat and the precum that was leaking. It was then, that Jaebum pulled out from underneath him and pushed him down on the bed, stomach first. 

He knew Jaebum well enough to know what was about to happen. 

But he had one more little act of defiance, enough to fuel Jaebum more. Yet, Jinyoung asked for his own selfishness. Jaebum's hands were pulling his legs apart further, and a hand was in his hair tugging his upper body back up. His other hand is at his throat, and Jinyoung swallows unwillingly, as he moves backwards, searching, and longing for more. 

Licking his lips, Jinyoung asks the rhetorical question that he knows the answer to already, and that Jaebum does too, even if he doesn't want to admit it, "Do you love me?" 

The hands tighten and next thing he knows, without an ounce of preparation whatsoever Jaebum's pushing into him and a scream let's out of Jinyoung's throat as he claws at the bed. But Jaebum's still going, relentless as ever and a choked moan is let out of Jinyoung's throat. 

He's moving again, Jaebum's pulling him closer, up to his chest, and his mouth is right by Jinyoung's ear hissing, "You're projecting, aren't you? Say it." The hand leaves his hair and falls down to his dick and as he still doesn't say anything, Jaebum uses more force, "Say it Jinyoungie." 

It was just like Jaebum, to ignore something but expect the same thing out of Jinyoung, hypocritical as always. Crying out now, Jinyoung screws his eyes shut, "I love you." 

"My name," he growls out, hand leaving his dick again to pinch at Jinyoung's nipples. "Say my name." 

"Jaebum." 

He doesn't last too long after that, Jaebum's hand is on his dick, and with one more moan he's cumming, all over Jaebum's hands and his thighs, but Jaebum's still going, fucking him through his orgasm while ultimately trying to reach his. 

With a final slam, Jaebum's cumming in him and pulling out, and finally letting go and Jinyoung drops down on his bed right away, panting. He shuts his eyes again as he tries to just breathe, his emotions all over the place now, anger, fear, shame, disbelief. 

There's a hand on his back rubbing, and he here's Jaebum ask, "Are you okay?" 

Without giving a verbal answer, he nods, because he at least will be okay now. The physical pain of it all had been utter pleasure at the time now, and now it ached, it ached matching the emotional turmoil inside of him. 

As much as Jinyoung liked to point the blame, call him a hypocrite, he was just as bad wasn't he? And now here he was, lying pathetically on Jaebum's bed, even after all of this. He doesn't want to open his eyes, or to turn away or look, because he doesn't want to look at Jaebum right now, he can't bring himself to. 

The bed shifts, and Jinyoung could feel that Jaebum had gotten up, and he heard him walking away, and some of the tenseness leaves again as he relaxes further. But seconds later, a hand is on his back again, Jaebum's voice uncharacteristically soft, "Drink some water." 

Finally, he looks up to see Jaebum standing there holding a glass of water. Swallowing, without saying a word, Jinyoung takes it. They sit in silence then, as he drinks the water. But Jinyoung doesn't know what to say, or where to begin. It was like all the anger, the hatred from earlier, had been fucked out of him. And now here he was, reduced to the parts of him that he tries so desperately to hide. 

"Yes," Jaebum finally says out of the blue, and Jinyoung looks up at him in mild concern. Jaebum's avoiding his eyes and clears his throat again. "The answers is yes." 

_Do you love me?_


End file.
